Looking back and moving forward

Let's talk about numbers:
372
140
57

Now, those aren't just random numbers that I made up.  2 of them, I absolutely can't stand and 1 of them I am absolutely proud of.

If you haven't guessed, 372 represents my weight when I started my journey in 2012.  There.  I've said it.  Many of you never knew what that number was because I didn't tell too many people.  It's embarrassing.  And, you know what is strange about it?  I never felt like I weighed that much.  Yes, I knew I was fat.  I knew I should lose weight, but I never dreamed that number would be so high.  So, what does 372 look like?  Here's a picture from January 2012 when I was on a trip to Barcelona with my husband.

So enough about 372.  I don't want to ever, EVER go back to any weight that starts with a 3!  EVER!

140- This is a number I am so very proud of!  This is the number that represents my total weight loss, achieved over about a 14 month period.  I stuck to my low-carb, high protein diet and even started to incorporate exercise (yes, I exercised!) to get to that number.  I enjoyed buying clothes at "normal" clothing stores.  I enjoyed the compliments of people who would say, "you look so great!".  I loved the energy I had to get through my work day.  I loved that I was no longer the fattest employee at work.  (yes, that is something that always haunted me.  Am I the largest one here?  Wherever I was, I would ask that question.)

This is a picture of me at about 120 lbs lost- right before I did the Biggest Loser Run/Walk in January 2013.

Ahh.... Those were the days!  The Biggest Loser Run/Walk was a great experience that made me decide to try running.  I never thought I'd EVER run, unless I was being chased by an animal or something!  But I did a total of 4 more 5K races and although I never ran the whole way, each race I would run more and walk less.  I loved how my life was changing and getting better with the changes I was making.

57- This number makes me sad, angry, depressed and yet, at the same time, motivates me.  This number represents the number of pounds I have put back on since June 2013.  A little over a year-- 57 pounds.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  Unfortunately, no, it is not a joke.  Rather than blog about all that went wrong last year or make excuses for these pounds, I will just say this:  we had a bad year, my husband and I.  I am an emotional eater.  There it is.  That's the reason for those pounds.  It started with me rationalizing things like this: "I've had a really bad day.  I deserve this ice cream. (these chips, this hamburger... whatever the 'food du jour' was)  Then the pounds started to creep on.  The size L shirts that I was so proud to be able to wear started getting a little tighter.  The size 18 pants (which to some of you still seem HUGE, but to me, who had been in 26/28s, felt awesome) didn't fit anymore.  Cue the depression.  Cue the eating of whatever I wanted.  I was doing the exact opposite of what was going to make me feel better.  It doesn't make sense, but it is reality.  So, what does 57 look like?

And that brings us to today.  Tomorrow, July 11, I will see my weight loss doctor for the first time in 4 months.  He will help me stay focused and get back to where I was and hopefully, continue to move past 140 a bit! (That's the goal, at least!)  Since re-committing to my journey last Monday, June 30, I have stuck to my high protein, low-carb regimen even when I didn't want to.  I've been drinking more water, even though I prefer Diet Coke.  

It's small steps, but I'm doing what I can for now.  

Let's see where this takes me!

~Erin~